Its been almost 2 weeks since my last post and I wish I could say it's due to my lack of time because of ALL THE HOURS I STUDY EVERY DAY...right...but it really is just laziness. When I do have a few minutes to write, I usually choose instead to stare at the wall, talk to my fish, or watch tv online.
So what an odd turn of events that in the moment when I am feeling the LEAST productive, headache and blazing hot apartment and all, I decide to write. I don't even know what to write anymore, nothing in law school is new and exciting 5 weeks in. Same classes the same days, same work load, same fellow classmates trying to psych each other out. I can't stand it! I must be plateauing. I feel out of place that I seem to be the only one NOT freaking out about school right now...the fact that I am not worried and that I continue to stay on top of my stuff is nerve wracking because everyone around me makes me feel like things should be MORE difficult. I can't stand it! I just can't wait AT LEAST until this semester is over and everyone knows where they are.
In property tutoring the other day, our tutor mentioned how nervous she was that grades were coming out that day from Summer classes. I don't understand how people can be worried about the day grades come out. Shouldn't one be more worried about the day you take the test? Once you finish it what more can you do, right? Gosh even right now while I'm sitting here I'm trying to figure out what I could POSSIBLY do to get ahead of other people. It wasn't supposed to be so competitive here at Cal Western! Come on, kids, we aren't at Yale for crying out loud!
I supposed I should just calm down and get back to my apartment but it is a distinct possibility that I'm just upset about how hot it is in my apartment. The higher the temperature the more annoyed I get.
The most recent peer freak out has been a result of a writing assignment we have coming up. We are supposed to be getting ready to write a memo and lots of legal research will go into it looking up cases and precedents to use in our writing. I NEVER got worried about writing assignments in college. I waited until the last minute while everyone else freaked out, and I still did well while most everyone else did ok, but was still stressed. Can't I pull that off here in law school? Or at least can't I pull off starting work on time and not freaking out? For goodness sakes no one KNOWS how to write a legal memo or do perfect legal research yet, how can you be stressed about having to do something that no one has taught you yet? Do your work, try hard to understand and synthesize everything that comes at you, and just do your own thing. I hate that people show up to class literally saying out loud "This assignment will kill me, the one that's due on Monday." Iris: "You mean the assignment that hasn't even been posted yet?" "Yes that one! I'm freaking out!" Iris: "How could you be so stressed, you don't even know what the assignment is yet..." "So what! It's still stressful!!"
That's it, by George I think I've got it. People are stressed because they think they are supposed to be stressed, as though stress will produce better work product. Screw that, such things have never worked for me. As a matter of fact, off I go to enjoy a glass of wine before I dive back into my contracts homework and legal research. Take that, you tight-wad first year ninnies!
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